Personal Boundaries: No means No

Culture is quite a diverse concept that makes us all unique in our different ways. In as much as culture is learnt sometimes it takes someone to live within a certain group of people to understand their way of life. Certain life situations some times makes us to go and live in different places and in those places we involuntarily learn the culture of people living in that specific area.

As for me, the search for employment and greener pastures made me to relocate to some peri urban town in Zimbabwe. With all the noise being made world wide concerning women's rights one would think the global village is on the same page but alas the treatment of women in that specific area left me shell shocked. In most cases women are appreciated for their sexuality and nothing else.

 Women are not expected to have personal boundaries both physically and emotionally.

A woman standing up for herself in public is something that will leave people with their mouths wide open.I remember walking into a supermarket one morning. I happened to walk into the shop with two men from a popular bakery who were delivering bread. I was wearing earphones whilst the other guy was trying to initiate a conversation with me, he was so eager to the extent that he had to pat(brush) me on my arm twice. I was so shocked that a man can invade a woman's personal boundary and think it is okay. To my amazement when I confronted him he had the audacity to tell me that there was nothing wrong with touching my arm and as a woman I was supposed to be calm.

How does one become calm when their personal space is being invaded? How does one become calm when they feel like they are being abused. And why does society expect women to be calm and collected individuals who cannot stand for themselves.

Despite being shocked that someone could invade my personal space and see nothing wrong with it I also came to the realisation that our society expects women to be abused and keep quite about it. A woman is supposed to be treated anyhow and should not speak out. Certain societies have normalized the abuse of women to such an extent that women can nolonger identify abuse. Anyone who dares to speak out is quickly labelled and does not adhere to societal expectations of how women are supposed to behave.

The supermarket incident was just one of many that I came across during my stay in a Foreign town. I also remember walking into a butchery one day and a group of man walked in and surrounded me. It was scary because I was unaware of their intentions, the fear of being robbed or abused gripped me at once. I just stood there quite until the owner of the butchery negotiated with the men to leave. That was the last time I went to that butchery alone.

At first I thought this was happening to me because I was new to that town but I got to realise that it is their way of life. Women only matter of because of their sexuality and they are domesticated. A woman standing up for herself in public is something that is unheard of. If you speak of being violated as a woman people start looking at you funny including women themselves.

I was fortunate enough to be able to stand up for myself and escape these not so pleasant circumstances. Maybe it's because I was fortunate to have been educated about my rights as a woman or I had grown up in a different environment. But what about the young woman who had been raised in that specific environment, a woman who has been brought up to believe that women do not have personal boundaries , they exist on the mercy of their male counterparts. This tells the sad story of how women are still being abused out there without knowing it and even if they do society has normalized abuse to such an extent that they can not even report it.

We still have a long way to go to ensure the safety of the girl child. Girls growing up in peri urban towns and rural areas need to be taught that it is not okay for a man to touch any part of your body without your consent it is abuse. Women have personal boundaries and they should be respected.

Feministry!